Racism, alive and well!

I try not to court controversy and make much reference to political aspects of the news as I’m quite thick when it comes to such matters and cannot hold my own in an argument over much and tend to get angry when having a debate, because it just feels like people have a bloody answer to discredit every point I make (kind of the point of a debate really, I guess!) and it frustrates me that I cant always make a quick comeback.

On the way to my friend’s house yesterday I was listening to Radio 2 (which I always do) and there were two young people called Timi Ariyo and Tami Sotire on the show as guests being interviewed by Paul McKenna.  The long and short of it that these lovely, articulate, clever, well mannered kids had been the victims of a long standing online attack from fellow students from their 6th Form in a school in Essex.  Their bullies’ problem was that both Timi and Tami are Black.  Nigerian in descent and (the way I interpreted) almost all their life spent fighting discrimination based upon the colour of their skin.  One example Timi sited was when he was about 6 or 7 when a classmate went on holiday to Egypt and brought back a gift for all the other children bit Timi.  When Timi asked him why he didn’t have a present the boy said, without a moments hesitation that his mother hadn’t allowed him to buy a gift because of Timi being Black!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????  Now I’m sorry for all the question and exclamation marks but I couldn’t believe what I heard.  Either, I have grown up and learned to accept everyone’s difference and have no problem with whom I associate but I couldn’t understand someone saying that to a child or even thinking it in the first place.

Both if these kids gave numerous examples of how they were bullied, discriminated against, left out of things and had things said (supposedly) in ‘banter’ that they didn’t like and how they felt let down by friends who didn’t challenge this for fear of reprisal.  I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Obviously, most of the readers know that I have been to university and studied social work and worked in that job for nearly 12 years before quitting my job and vowing never to return.  Through my studies I learned about different ways that peoples prejudices can become apparent and how these can be challenged in a constructive way to enable people to grow in their knowledge in a safe and positive way.  A lot of the ‘old school’ social workers who had done their training in the 1970’s and 80’s said that there was a lot of training about in those decades that they struggled with around race relations and since then there have been many positive changes both to training and in attitudes on the whole.  Why then did I hear an excerpt of a video posted on a social media site where young men were heard making monkey noises and singing “Timi Airyo swings where he wants”???  Hearing this, I was so angry that I was moved to tears in sorrow for this pair and other people belonging to minority ethnic groups.  Why did no teachers challenge this ‘banter’ when they were in earshot?  Why were these kids so ‘accepting’ of the abuse they got ? (cos they were bloody worn down from it, I would think), why are some people so damn cruel??  I just don’t get it!

Here is the link to a BBC news article which sums up what I heard on the radio yesterday afternoon.  I think I got the crux of the matter out there in my own words.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-38735696

Why am I ranting and raving about it as a white working class woman?  Because I hate inequality.  I hate to see people down trodden, accepting of this kind of abuse, too exhausted to say anything due to lack of support from those who should care and fear of reprisal.

The impitus to post this blog tonight was upon seeing a friend’s Facebook post where she had been texting a guy and he’d asked the question of her whether her children were ‘mixed race’.  My friend had replied that yes, they are questioned how it was relevent.  This man had replied that he didn’t ‘feel comfortable’ about it and didn’t wish to continue their friendship.  I think she got a very lucky escape!  Joking and disbelief aside, where exactly did he get off needing to know the ethnic origin of her children?? And why did it matter?  I guess there’s no educating some people, sadly.

Until next time xx

 

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The 40th birthday that never was.

Reading my dear friends blog this afternoon filled me with sadness. I won’t go into detail.but her lot in life just isn’t fair. Some people don’t have a fair crack in life at all and I wish life would give them.a break.

Last week I was cleaning the pub and noticed that there had been a 40th birthday celebration the previous night, then it occurred to me that my sister’s 40th birthday would be 11th September. Something hit me like a train and I spent the next 10 minutes sobbing uncontrollably thinking how unfair it was that she never got a chance in life.

I’ve not.got.much more to say, so I can’t offer much in the way of conclusion to why something.like this would.happen or why some.people don’t get to stay and others do.

11th September isn’t a good day for.the world as a whole with the anniversary of the twin towers terror attacks. Let’s hope tomorrow feels better than today.

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School reunion 30 years on.

Just done a few things that I’ve never done before.

Booked and stayed on my own in a hotel. Went from there to meet up with old school friends from my days in crich. It was ace. Loved chatting and reminiscing with them all including our old teacher Mr Beet.  I’ve come away with a few photos that be brought along. Drank plenty, chatted and laughed.

My first time in the comrades club!

The icing on the cake came as our old.neighbours Mac and Sue walked past the pub. 5 minutes later I’d arranged to call in the next.morning.

The following morning, slightly hungover I drove the 4 miles to their gaff and we spent the next hour chatting and reminiscing again. The question came about my dad and it turned out Mac’s brother had Pancreatic cancer but had been operated on and had survived 2 years and still remains positive. I was so happy to hear this as it gave me.hope that one day this will be cured each time a new case is diagnosed. Sadly though Mac’s sister died of ovarian cancer (another shitty cancer that is very hard to diagnose in time).  As we talked about my Dad, tears inevitability leaked and Mac said something that really resonated; ‘hes not in pain now, duck, and we wouldn’t want to have lived half a life, you know what he was like always running, doing his cycling and all that’s.

It wasn’t something I’d ever thought of really but he put it so articulately and beautifully that I had to agree with his statement.

The rest of the journey was filled with Fearne Cotton on radio 2, a 41 year old lady’s dream.

Maybe we’ll have to.make it a yearly occurrence. Who.knows!!

 

Lavender really cures all ills!

IMG_20160829_150557937My lovely day at the wolds way lavender farm.

Had a lovely walk round the farm.and we even held hands (till I got pins and needles!).We concluded that we might bring the children one time.

Went to see ‘David Brent: life on the road’ and it was hilarious! Loved it. Loved how his lack.of awareness made me cringe and squeel!! It was ace!!

Feeling slightly improved.

 

The world isn’t a fair place sometimes

I haven’t got much to write about today other than feeling slightly ‘dead’ from the inside. I don’t know exactly what is wrong or what is troubling me and I’ll write more later.

I’m hoping a nice day out will help. Trying to stay positive. It’s august bank holiday here in the UK and I’m.hoping we will get out to a lavender farm today and I’ll come home a different person!!

I’ve booked to tee the doctor but not j til the week the children start back to.school (as that was all I could book) but the nice lady did add that I could ring if the matter became more.urgent. do you think.she knows?

I’m.in one of 5 moods; anxious, hyper, depressed or indifferent. Never particularly happy. I don’t like being like this. I’m keeping myself very much to.myself and this is my only outlet as I’ve deactivated Facebook because I think it’s bad for me right now.

My problems are insignificant compared to some that people I know are going through but that’s not to say that I’m not finding it hard.  I will be OK because I have to survive. I’m strong really but it’s getting harder 😥

 

Summer holidays

It’s that time of year that so many parents dread.  The summer holidays (dun, dun, duuuuuunnn)!!

I made it my mission this year to really enjoy it (in the hope that next year I shall have an awesome job!!) and to make sure the kids did too but sometimes it’s so hard when the kids are squabbling  and whatever I suggest in terms of going out meets with disagreement and one wanting to be different to the other just to scramble my brain!!

The week we went away was brilliant. Caravan at Reighton sands near Filey was just perfect.  The caravan itself was just perfect, had everything we needed and a bit more besides.  Not enough to make too much mess.  Kev bought too many clothes as usual and the kids ran out of pants as usual! The best thing was that after a few days we really got our bearings and the kids could be trusted to go to the little on site shop by themselves (after I had successfully spied on them to make sure I was happy with it all) and to the little park nearby.  We went swimming every day and got into a little routine of watching Man vs Food, Ace of cakes and Jamie Oliver cookery shows which the kids loved just as much as we did.  We dont have many TV channels because of poor reception but we manage to live interesting lives none the less!!

Returning home was a bit shite because I came home to the mess of all the house and all the things we don’t really need.  I’ve since managed to get a lot of stuff thrown away and the place tidied up nicely). This is the second holiday I’ve been on where I genuinely didn’t want to come home!  Once I’d adjusted to being back home, taking the kids to clean the pub with me (which surprisingly enough, they quite enjoy!) it became apparent that the kids had made some good friends within the neighborhood.  Two little boys about their age, kids from Jacobs year at school (who happily play with Daisy).  This has meant that they’ve both spent much more time out of the house on the field playing independently in a relatively safe area which has been lovely for all concerned.  They’ve played on their bikes, climbed trees, made dens, fallen out with each other, made it up again, played in each others houses.  All the things kids should be doing.  It’s meant that some days we don’t really go anywhere or do anything much, but that’s absolutely fine.  It’s not realistic or affordable for me to go out every day!

One thing that people always say is to enjoy your kids while they’re young because they grow up so fast.  This may be true but for me (particularly with Jacob, as my first baby) but the early days were hell on legs sometimes and I couldn’t wait for them to move on.  Another school of thought is that kids get easier as they get older.  This is also quite true in my experience and I feel so privileged to have these moments to enjoy.  First reason being that I have too many friends who have experienced the death of a child and I know they would give their right arm to see their children grow and do things that others take for granted.  It’s not fair in a modern society with all its medical advancements that I (and others like me) know so many mothers and fathers who have been through their child; their precious infant, their reason for living, their future losing their life.  For them, I bet those words are hollow about children growing up so fast. When I see those memes about ‘I’ve done alright as a mother, I’ve managed to keep the children alive’, I feel these are not things I can make light of.  Also, children going through serious illness, hospital treatment and medical conditions where their future is uncertain.  Again, I know personally too many of these circumstances.  Writing this makes me pull myself together a bit as I’ve been feeling very down, anxious and negative about some thing that I don’t really want to make reference to in this.

TO think last summer I was wracked with guilt about only having one week off work and now I am in a position where I can just be home with the children! I feel very lucky, but very tired too, so I’ll publish this and say ‘Goodnight world’ xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First week back to school

Had a most lovely week with the kids off.  No childcare to organise.  Just been lazy relaxed week.  Loved it xx

On monday I took a Daisy up to Rainbows and I let Jacob go into the shop by himself.  A lot of kids his age play out a .lot and have a lot more freedom but I feel reluctant to let him be out alone because I dont feel he is ready just yet but I know he needs this push and so do I.  He’s 8 and I worry that by over protecting him I am causing him more harm than good.  Next week I plan to ring up the shop before he goes up the road by himself and make plans for him to return at a given time.  Jazz and his sons are lovely and I know they will ring and let me know if theres a problem.  I feel like I’m treating him like a baby but I worry so much.  He was born a few weeks after Madeliene McCann went missing and since then I’ve had this on my mind and in some ways I worry more about him than I do about Daisy in a lot of ways.

On Wednesday this week I went to have an abdominal scan to check my pancreas was functioning well.  It was.  I feel as though this is an important stage in the grieving process.  When you lose someone close, all you can think of is how sad you feel and how the pain will never go away.  At some stage you consider your own mortality and in my case whether I might die of the same illness.  I feel this was a positive step and I feel very grateful that the doctor understood that I needed this for my peace of mind (I was quite happy to go private if he could recommend how to go about this).  The hospital was fantastic (even if I couldnt park) and the kindness of strangers was evident again.  A man gave me his parking ticket and said he hoped my appointment went well (I didnt tell him what I was going in for) which was very sweet.

Cakeswise?  I have loads on but I really need to review my pricing as Im a busy fool but I have a really good loyal customer base which I am very pleased with.

No pictures today (I know you all like these) and Im off to see my friend and crack on with my mother’s day present.